Is Anyone There?

I didn’t realize that I haven’t posted here in 3 years.
I wonder if people would remember me.
I wonder if there are bloggers from years ago, who are still active now.
I thought about writing here again, numerous times… but I didn’t.
I couldn’t.

What happened?!

Life happened to me.

I didn’t realize just how affected I was by my brother’s passing.
Before I even recovered from my mourning, another one of my brothers was taken by a heart attack 11 months later. And then, the last living grandparent I had also passed away a few months later.

As I try to be a resilient person, I thought I could keep it all together… but I woke up in the middle of the night in September 2018 having a panic attack. I felt like the very foundations of all my beliefs and my faith have been pulled out from underneath me.

Where am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I heading?

Suffice to say, I fell into a long bout of existential crisis that I admittedly am still on right now. I was hoping to pull myself together before I would write here again, but it’s been 3 years and I’m still here.

I miss writing, so darn much.
I miss letting my fingers just type and type as if they have a mind of their own.
I miss being able to feel safe in a community of people who wish the best for each other.
I miss the feeling that someone understands, another reader or writer out there.

I thought about making an entirely new blog, to start fresh.
However, I wanted to just revive what I already had.

I’m not always going to be optimistic.
Sometimes, I’m just going to be real and tell you about my pain.
Hopefully, I will be myself at all times (It’s still something I’m also working on).

There’s a lot more to share, but this is what I’m starting with.
I’m still a warrior, every single day of my life.
And if you are too, then know that you are not alone because I am here.

We can be daily warriors together.

liz-c

12 thoughts on “Is Anyone There?

  1. I’m here, but not as often as I used to be. And I remember you. So sorry for all of your losses Liz. I hope that writing helps you become (and stay) stronger. ❤

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  2. ATE LIZ!!!!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK. I’M HERE. 🥺😭 I’m so sorry for everything that’s happened, ate. Indeed, you are a warrior and everyday, you’ll get stronger. ❤️

    I missed you so much. 😭❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Liz
    I’m still hanging around reading mostly
    I’m glad you’ve returned having navigated some of life’s inevitable upheavals
    You may remember me as Vapor Sage but when I switched to premium I lost that some how

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! I’m sorry you lost the name Vapor Sage, so what would you like to be called now? I’m glad you’re still hanging around reading and thank you for being here as I return. Dealing with loss took a toll on me. Any advise on that, if I may ask?

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Honestly, it’s probably one of the things that I am learning as I age… the mourning, the feeling of loss seems to be there still. It still hurts very much sometimes. You’re right, maybe eventually I will just learn to live with it and still thrive in life.

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  4. Hi Liz, You probably don’t remember me, but I was actually thinking about you just the other day. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a struggle. The thing about waiting until we can “pull ourselves together” before we do things is that we often just keep on kicking it down the road and never start…. I’m so glad you’re back here in the blogosphere sweet friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Terri, I do remember you… Thank you so much for being there. I’m very surprised to know that you were thinking of me the other day. I wonder if that’s one of the reasons I suddenly was VERY drawn to posting again.

      You’re so right… I don’t want to never start again… As it is, I feel like I have so much to catch up on with the website and revamping it to make it feel right again as my own… reflecting myself in the present.

      I’m sincerely thankful that you are here too.

      Liked by 1 person

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