Is Anyone There?

I didn’t realize that I haven’t posted here in 3 years.
I wonder if people would remember me.
I wonder if there are bloggers from years ago, who are still active now.
I thought about writing here again, numerous times… but I didn’t.
I couldn’t.

What happened?!

Life happened to me.

I didn’t realize just how affected I was by my brother’s passing.
Before I even recovered from my mourning, another one of my brothers was taken by a heart attack 11 months later. And then, the last living grandparent I had also passed away a few months later.

As I try to be a resilient person, I thought I could keep it all together… but I woke up in the middle of the night in September 2018 having a panic attack. I felt like the very foundations of all my beliefs and my faith have been pulled out from underneath me.

Where am I?
Why am I here?
Where am I heading?

Suffice to say, I fell into a long bout of existential crisis that I admittedly am still on right now. I was hoping to pull myself together before I would write here again, but it’s been 3 years and I’m still here.

I miss writing, so darn much.
I miss letting my fingers just type and type as if they have a mind of their own.
I miss being able to feel safe in a community of people who wish the best for each other.
I miss the feeling that someone understands, another reader or writer out there.

I thought about making an entirely new blog, to start fresh.
However, I wanted to just revive what I already had.

I’m not always going to be optimistic.
Sometimes, I’m just going to be real and tell you about my pain.
Hopefully, I will be myself at all times (It’s still something I’m also working on).

There’s a lot more to share, but this is what I’m starting with.
I’m still a warrior, every single day of my life.
And if you are too, then know that you are not alone because I am here.

We can be daily warriors together.