Almost Healed…

Hi everyone…

I’m usually upbeat here, but not on this particular post. I like writing about motivation and inspiration.. but I don’t feel cheery right now. And I want you to see this part of me too, not just the bubbly one.

I’ve been looking through the daily posts and discover challenges, and things are getting too “Holiday Season” for me. Christmas is one of the saddest times in my life, even if I love all the decorations and smiles I see. I don’t want to be a bummer, I want to be real.

I don’t have any childhood memories of Christmas time with a family gathered for celebration and gifts. If I did, I don’t even remember it because all I recall up to my teenage years are facades. I could spend Christmas with a friend’s family, but seeing their happiness that day will just remind me of what I don’t have.

When special holidays come around, the feeling of loss of my mother isΒ magnified. I don’t really know how to deal with this as it always happens every year.

This year, I have tried helping others as much as I can.. so I wouldn’t be tooΒ focused on intrapersonal things (while being useful). You know, one those sayings where you reach out to the world.. so you wouldn’t be so immersed in yourself.

I guess it’s been kind of therapeutic, but I’m still at that liminal stage where I’m almost healed but not really.

I guess this is one of my battles. I’m still fighting, but it’s difficult. I wonder how many of you daily warriors are going through the same thing? Or maybe you have overcome? Will you help a warrior out? I’m lost with things like these.

I plan to make good memories during those seasons that I know I’m bound to be sad.. maybe do volunteer work, fulfill my life’s purpose instead of dwelling on what’s not here. Is that a good way to go? Tell me what you think.

On a lighter note, there’s a city event tomorrow near my office and I’m volunteering to help out some kids. I’m looking forward to it, and I plan to take some photos of the event. I hope I would feel much better at the same time making the kids feel great (fun games and parade day).

I think I’ll be okay tomorrow. (^^,)

P.S. If you’ve got time, do share your positive vibes at my Happy Corner.Β It helps a lot.Β 

 

liz

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48 thoughts on “Almost Healed…

  1. The holidays are a hard time for most, I believe. Maybe that’s the reason for all the busyness and rushing around. We have all loss someone that makes their lack felt strong at this time of year. Personally, I’m not sure one can ever get over the loss of a parent or child …. ever. There are always memories, whether good or bad, happy or sad. The majority have regrets of some sort, thus the pain of the loss. Not allowing the past to PULL back into it, is a difficultchoice to make. Feel what you need to feel, don’t bury it by doing, That doesn’t bring healing, tears and acknowledging feelings do. We can’t help how we feel, we just do. How to deal with those feels is where the growth comes in. Your mother hasn’t left you completely, God doesn’t allow a complete separation between the realms. Try to be aware of her during this time and see what you see, feel, etc that lets you know she is watching. hugs

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for your very comforting words and wise advise. It makes sense that everyone has this feeling in one form or another. You are right.

      I’ve had my share of tears and feelings, believe me. πŸ™‚ And I usually did it alone in my room.. I guess that’s why I’m trying something different this time..being open to others about how I really feel about something.. and doing some actions to make me feel better instead.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Happy vibe happy vibe –
    Wish I could say the words and you would feel it. You have the right idea with volunteering it will help – in the meantime hope you have a wonderful day Liz and sending love your way β€οΈοΈβ€οΈοΈπŸ’«

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I hate Christmas and any significant events like this as it brings disappointment, loss and trauma into sharp focus for me and many other people. You’re not alone in how you feel and there is no need to apologise for not being inspirational. You actually are, because you facilitate others to share their difficult feelings too. So by being real, you’re doing good xxx

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hi Summer. I really can’t imagine what you’re going through during these times, but I’m always looking out for your blog posts to see how you’re doing sometimes. Bear hugs to you!

      P.S. Thanks for telling me not to apologize for being myself. I always remind myself to be less apologetic. Lol. ❀ ❀ ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks for looking out for me πŸ™‚ I lobe reading your posts too. People seem to be inhibited in expressing anything negative on their blogs, but authentically expressed feeling doesn’t require any disclaimers in my view, as long as you’re not being mean or nasty, which you’re not πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I truly cherish every conversation we have here, and we look out for each other. (Cue “aww”) haha!

          Honestly, I’m just really starting to get out of my shell. This blog is really sooo out of my comfort zone. I’m extremely introverted, and private… and a people-pleaser for most of my life.

          I want to change for the better. This is like, how I face my fears (by being the real me) and for personal growth… I tend to be very apologetic for opening up and some other things I shouldn’t even say sorry for.. but that gives you an idea where I’m coming from.

          There’s progress though.. and thanks so much for the reminders to be myself. ❀

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I’ve had to learn to be myself, and sometimes I slip back into apologising for it, even today I’ve done that in my vlog because I felt depressed and not cheery and made mistakes. It’s a journey for lots of us. Well done on coming out of your introvert cave. It’s funny as I actually perceive you as one of the livelier more expressive and confident of my followers! Perception by others can be very different to how we feel within!! πŸ’—

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Do something you’ve never done before this Christmas. Start a new tradition. Start a new dream. I recall you wanted to do photography. I lost my 15 yr old son in 1988. Even after 28 years I miss him at Christmas time especially. It gets easier but you always miss them. Something new helps get you through my friend. Just remember we all love and care about you out here. Keep your head up, wear a beautiful smile and tell someone how much you love them!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hey Andy. Thanks for sharing your story. It gives me something to consider. When I was younger, I used to think that the pain will go away.. but as I grow older and seeing others who’ve been through the same thing.. I’m starting to realize that people don’t really move on from some losses, they just learn to keep on living and make the most out of it.

      I’m sure our loved ones wouldn’t want to see us sad, so that’s one motivating thought for me I guess.

      You’re an awesome person, Andy. Thank you for sending some love and care my way. I’m starting to feel like this is my virtual family. Lol.

      And in that case, I seriously love you guys! ❀

      Like

  5. Look forward. Make tomorrow’s memories with your loved ones today. The holidays can be tough if you’re not around those you love or your circle is small, but there are many others out there with the same situation that you can find and help. Volunteering is a GREAT way to get out there and do some good and spread some cheer. I am very happy to see you taking the season by the horns and making it better for others through your actions. That’s a GREAT memory to have in the future!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi E.J. Thanks so much for reminding me to keep moving forward and that there are lots of people going through this as well. I’ve found volunteering a fun way to take my mind off my feelings and negative thoughts, so it’s good. While helping out others. Sort of like hitting two birds with one stone.

      Like

    1. I haven’t read any comment you deleted, so I guess not? Dolphin grins actually made me smile. I don’t know how a dolphin looks like when they smile. It’s a funny thought. Probably cute too.

      I dont think I’ve read that book. Thanks for sending some love, Ren. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Dear Liz, I am so sorry about your sadness! Expressing it in writing and sharing should help, but helping others is the best remedy – you are doing the right thing. As you are spreading good cheer, it will come back to you in a multitude of blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hey thanks Andrei… I know what you mean, in a way. Even if not entirely. Hugs back. Our fellow bloggers have some good advise and comments here that makes me think and cope better. I hope you also read through them. πŸ™‚

      Like

      1. Yeah. Read them too πŸ™‚
        I meant that I learned tips from your post on how to celebrate this holiday season. I can also plan out to join fun activities instead of doing the usual traditions we do with our mom during these occasions.
        Thanks, in a way 😊

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Oh, right. We have to be cautious with the balance though.. because we need to let out our emotions but not dwell on them. I guess it’s something I’m still learning to do.

          And I’m glad you’re here Andrei. At least we both know we’re not alone in this right? And from what they all said, seems like there’s lots of us… We all need one big group hug. Lol.

          Like

          1. Yes. It’s so comforting to know there are people out there who can empathize with what we feel πŸ™‚
            For me, my blog has been my vessel to get me thru all these. It’s where I draw out and manifests my convictions.
            Know the common thing that we have? We are braver than we thought! πŸ˜‰ I can sense your steadfast resolve in your posts. You’re a genuinely good and happy person Liz!

            Liked by 1 person

  7. Hi friend! Thank you for opening up here and talking about real issues that affect so many people. Here is my two cents . . . I have been fortunate not to have lost anyone on any holidays except my mother who passed away just four days from my birthday. But this is not a trigger for me because I had a wonderful relationship with her and I know where she is now without doubt. That being said, when I was still struggling with drugs and alcohol and prison, EVERYTHING was a trigger. I was lost and became depressed at the drop of a hat. After losing my family to alcoholism and having spent nearly every holiday from 1989 to 2007 locked up, well, you can imagine how holiday affected me and soon I just became numb to life and it’s celebrations. “It’s just another day.” I would say. But after having an encounter with the Risen Lord, I have a new purpose in life and I can now enjoy and look forward to EVERY holiday and I make them my own. I just look at them as a fresh start on life and God has given me a second chance to enjoy all that life has to offer:)

    2 Corinthians 5:17New King James Version (NKJV)

    17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

    Volunteering is a really great start and it could take a few times before serving really becomes a natural extension of yourself so don’t give up and KNOW that your service is being seen and appreciated both here on earth and in Heaven! God bless my friend:)

    PS. You might want to read my story, here is a link to a free copy in e-format.

    Link: https://bookgrabbr.com/books/43136-remember-the-prisoners

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Rev! As always, you are SO uplifting. I just spent like half an hour trying to download the ebook (issues with my playstore and storage space on my phone T_T) But anyway, I’ve got it! πŸ™‚

      I’m surely going to read this, and make a review (possibly, if I can.. I probably would).

      I’d love to hear more about your life, as based from the tidbits it’s an amazing story. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the encouragement.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is my honor to reach out and edify the household of God. Ok, so you did get downloaded right? If not, I could send you a book stub via snail mail, it does the same thing. Also Amazon has the e-book for 3.99 I think. I would be ever so grateful if you did review it! That helps sooooo much! But when you do, make sure to do the review on Amazon and you must be an Amazon customer with an account in order to review. Maybe if you don’t have an account you could use a friends? Thanks so much for even thinking about it:) God bless, my wife and I are heading to church have a great and blessed day in Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I got it, Rev. Thanks so much. I was planning on doing it via Goodreads but I do have an Amazon account. It may take me a while, though.

          I’ll let you know how it goes. Have a good day to you and your wife!

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Thinking of you lots. I believe the holidays can be very difficult for a lot of us, even if we genuinely like this time of year. You are not alone. I also like what Andy said about starting a new tradition! πŸ˜ƒ.

    I have been so behind, but will be home again soon and back to the routine! Looking forward to catching up more.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is a very powerful post. Thank you for sharing yourself with us readers πŸ™‚

    I am sorry you have suffered loss. Loss is really hard to move on from.

    I can’t possibly imagined how you are feeling as it is your own personal journey. BUT I can suggest some ‘me time’. I think your efforts to help others is amazing. Don’t forget to do something for yourself. For me, a nice bubble bath, or a great novel by the fire, or even just a treat coffee at Starbucks really helps me feel more upbeat when I am struggling. I also love a good yoga session with the right instructor – the energy I am infused with uplifts me completely.

    Sending hugs!! Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Having some time to relax really sounds good… I guess helping others let me keep my mind off my own life for a while… But you’re right. I also need time for me.

      Liked by 1 person

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