I’m usually upbeat here, but not on this particular post. I like writing about motivation and inspiration.. but I don’t feel cheery right now. And I want you to see this part of me too, not just the bubbly one.
I’ve been looking through the daily posts and discover challenges, and things are getting too “Holiday Season” for me. Christmas is one of the saddest times in my life, even if I love all the decorations and smiles I see. I don’t want to be a bummer, I want to be real.
I don’t have any childhood memories of Christmas time with a family gathered for celebration and gifts. If I did, I don’t even remember it because all I recall up to my teenage years are facades. I could spend Christmas with a friend’s family, but seeing their happiness that day will just remind me of what I don’t have.
When special holidays come around, the feeling of loss of my mother is magnified. I don’t really know how to deal with this as it always happens every year.
This year, I have tried helping others as much as I can.. so I wouldn’t be too focused on intrapersonal things (while being useful). You know, one those sayings where you reach out to the world.. so you wouldn’t be so immersed in yourself.
I guess it’s been kind of therapeutic, but I’m still at that liminal stage where I’m almost healed but not really.
I guess this is one of my battles. I’m still fighting, but it’s difficult. I wonder how many of you daily warriors are going through the same thing? Or maybe you have overcome? Will you help a warrior out? I’m lost with things like these.
I plan to make good memories during those seasons that I know I’m bound to be sad.. maybe do volunteer work, fulfill my life’s purpose instead of dwelling on what’s not here. Is that a good way to go? Tell me what you think.
On a lighter note, there’s a city event tomorrow near my office and I’m volunteering to help out some kids. I’m looking forward to it, and I plan to take some photos of the event. I hope I would feel much better at the same time making the kids feel great (fun games and parade day).
I think I’ll be okay tomorrow. (^^,)
P.S. If you’ve got time, do share your positive vibes at my Happy Corner. It helps a lot.